What's bright blue, painfully loud, contains 40 of your closest friends and carries as much beer as you can spill?

A few things you should know about party buses:

• Kegs are allowed.

• Buses get a little bumpy, so it can be tough to get the beer into your mouth.

• Dancing, like beer guzzling, is hard work on a party bus -- but absolutely necessary.

• There is a bathroom on the bus. But nothing smelly, please.

Now, I'm not talking about the stretch Hummers and sleek limos that cruise downtown. Nope, these are school buses, repainted with bright, obnoxious colors, that you see circling downtown with loud, equally obnoxious drunken passengers screaming out the windows.

I decided to tag along last Saturday. For my diary of debauchery, turn inside.

7:45 p.m. To celebrate his 23rd birthday, Ian Gilquist, a recent U of M graduate and all-around party animal, has rented an "Ocean"-themed bus from a company called 1 Place 2 Party for 35 of his friends. With party time approaching, the decommissioned cheese wagon sits idling outside Gilquist's campus apartment. Years ago, it sat alongside similar curbs, waiting for elementary students. Now, bright blue and covered with sharks and starfish, it awaits a group of students looking to get smashed.

8:05 p.m. With everyone packed in tight, the bus' 52-year-old driver, a no-nonsense type named Marvin Keen, lays down the rules hard and fast like a real school bus driver (he used to be one). "No keg stands while we're moving -- and especially no keg stands next to stop signs," he shouts, referring to the upside-down drinking acrobatics practiced by championship-level frat boys. Keen is co-owner of 1 Place 2 Party, a mom-and-pop operation that has five school buses he painted himself.

8:15 p.m. While many party-bus renters like to circle downtown, hitting different clubs, Gilquist has directed Keen to head to the Freight House in Stillwater so they can have "some time on the bus." As the bus hits Hwy. 36 doing about 55 miles per hour, Busta Rhymes' new hit "Touch It" explodes out of the speakers. A young woman in a red tube top walks up and down the aisle, demanding that everyone take a pull from her bottles of Bacardi rum and Cuervo tequila.

9:45 p.m. After a quick stop in Stillwater, the bus is once again heading down Hwy. 36, now bound for Billy's on Grand in St. Paul. Keen flips on the bus' disco lights. A dance party ensues. On the highway. In a school bus. With a keg. Awesome.

9:50 p.m. A foul stench fills the air. Some partiers wonder if someone broke the very important bathroom rule. They quickly realize we're just passing through farm country.

9:55 p.m. The tube-top girl starts flashing people on the bus.

10:15 p.m. As riders stumble one-by-one out of the bus onto Grand Avenue, they've spilled so much beer on one another that it looks like they've been in a water-balloon fight.

11:20 p.m. As we take off for our final stop in downtown Minneapolis, there's something noticeably different about the group. One guy starts looking around and then yells:

"Craig? ... Craig?!"

Realizing that Craig is not on the bus, he turns to me and says, "I think we left some people behind."

Gilquist, the sure-fire captain of this vessel, assures his comrade: "They'll be all right, man. They'll find their way!"

12:01 a.m. The crew staggers out of the bus near Old Chicago in downtown, where they'll part ways with their driver. Gilquist expresses his gratitude by giving Keen a big hug and yodeling, "I love you, Marv!"

Almost simultaneously, four young women run up to Keen, screaming his name. They're old customers. Keen offers them a ride, which they quickly accept. Gilquist shuffles down the sidewalk after his friends.

As the big blue bus pulls away, the girls yell out the childproof windows: "Best party bus ever!"

The night is far from over.

THE PARTY BUS

How much? Rates for the 1 Place 2 Party service vary, but usually run at least $100 an hour.

Info: Call 651-453-1300 or go to www.1place2party.com.

 

thorgen@startribune.com • 612-673-7909